Frankie Boyle has little sympathy for the students across the UK currently on lockdown in their university halls – and reckon they should make the most of their newfound ‘f**k bubbles’.
In the latest episode of New World Order, Frankie urged those stuck in their dorms to have as much sex as humanly possible, and reckons they already are.
Speaking down the camera, he said: ‘Many have complained about feeling trapped, isolated and depressed. How can reality TV have not prepared students for this?
‘We’ve spent decades showing them people being thrown together with a bunch of strangers to argue over food and make poor sexual choices.’
‘How dare they complain?,’ he continued. ‘They’re basically locked down in a giant f**k bubble. “Oh no, I have to stay in my f**k bubble, oh boo hoo hoo”.
‘Life in a student f**k bubble will be an undiluted sexual marathon consisting of 23 hours a day f**king, followed by a desperate hour of spaghetti and vitamin e shots.’
Going into graphic details about zoom lectures descending into chaos with ‘sex roars like a Spartan war drum’, Frankie argued it could help them become fitter because of their sudden overuse of their pelvises.
‘People outside the f**k bubbles will start to fear them. Their halls will be boarded up like Chernobyl,’ he said. ‘Flamethrower tanks will be stationed at the gates in case any of the now sightless f**k lizards try and slither out into our world.
‘And despite the risks middle aged men will be trying to break into these halls like The Great Escape in reverse, jumping over a hedge on a motorbike.’
‘The Covid f**k bubbles will have their critics, but there’s one thing we’ve learned already by this – university is finally worth nine thousand pounds a year,’ he concluded.
If you’ve got a celebrity story, video or pictures get in touch with the Metro.co.uk entertainment team by emailing us [email protected] calling 020 3615 2145 or by visiting our Submit Stuff page – we’d love to hear from you.
Frankie Boyle, Frankie Boyle’s New World Order
World news – GB – Frankie Boyle brands student halls ‘f**k bubbles’ in takedown of uni lockdowns